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Review - Game 15: Uxbridge 2-3 Bridgewater Town
This will probably be the worst game review in the history of such things, this is partially my fault, majoritively Mac`s fault and more than a little bit Uxbridge FC`s fault! The first problems occurred when the day before the match we discovered that Uxbridge is nowhere near to Uxbridge, it`s actually 'near` West Drayton. However as the tube was out of action for the weekend this was only a slight problem, we started the drawn out process of getting the tube from Hammersmith to Shepherds Bush, caught the Central Line to Ealing and caught a train to West Drayton. Although we didn`t do that. As a sign of things to come we were chatting and missed getting off at North Acton to wait for the Ealing branch and instead went to Hanger Lane where we kicked our heels and finally came back to where we were supposed to be. So far the omens weren`t good.
The first thing that greeted us at West Drayton, apart from the driving rain soaking through my inadequate print-out from multi-map, was a pub offering fully nude girls from 4-10. Perhaps it was the cold but it took us a while to realise that this was performance times and not the dancers age limit. With the pub times duly noted we set off on what looked like a quick and pleasant stroll towards the stadium. This wasn`t to be however as the map had no bearing to reality, it must have been a mile and a half if not more through a grubby selection of flats and an industrial estate, a pub called the Brickmakers Arms looked as inviting as malaria and before I could pop in and get seven shades kicked out of me Mac dragged me off. We finally got to the ground and the rain blissfully stopped falling.
Our next problem occurred when we paid to get in, despite costing £8(!!!) we didn`t get a ticket and it seemed the bumper crowd of 156 meant that the programs had run out. We sat in the main stand which was a mixture of scaffolding and conservatory and watched the players come out and line up. Due to not having a program I have no idea who most of the players were and the tannoy was too crap to distinguish any words so some of the following names and possibly events may be incorrect.
Bridgwater`s first goal was scored by a Mr Red Trousers. A decent move down the right saw Trousers poke home from a few yards out. Generally Bridgwater looked far more assured and their passing and link up play put Uxbridge, who seemed to be masquerading as footballers, in the shade. Bridwater`s right back in particular caught Mac`s eye, but was it for the right reasons? Uxbridge somehow got into the game midway through the first half when some comical miscommunication allowed five Uxbridge players to be alone in the 18 yard box with the keeper making two good saves before the ball finally crossed the line. The Bridgwater Town team, who were lined up on the edge of the area, seemed shocked that no offside had been given but their website says they have been caught out twice previously this month alone so perhaps they are either slow learners or recovering amnesiacs.
When half time came one Bridgwater fan had a huge go at the ref, despite the poor guy doing quite well and mediating with a Bridgwater player rather than sending him off after some handbags in the corner, possibly regarding the best brand of mascara. This was to form the basis of the second half, a competition between the two sets of fans to see what the most abusive phrase could be shouted towards the officials. I think Uxbridge won as the most angry man in Britain seemed to be in attendance. The Bridgwater fan had the thickest Somerset accent ever heard outside of an Aviva commercial and the expected cries of "Green army" pervaded the rest of the day. Paul Whitehouse has unleashed a monster that has quite quickly become less funny than a DIY colonoscopy.
Uxbridge`s second goal we heard from the foul smelling tea room so I can`t tell you if it was any good. I would like to think it had shades of Pele from the 1970 World Cup, hints of Van Basten in the Seventies, and a little bit of Jamie Pollock from the mid-Nineties but neither I nor you will ever know. After returning from the tea room Mac picked the worst place to watch a football game from, one third of the pitch was obscured by a pylon and the home dugout, which doubles up as a bicycle shed on non matchdays. But it wasn`t this that led to us missing Bridgwater`s equaliser, it was Mac pointing at something behind us and it was only the groan of an Uxbridge supporter that let us know we had missed another stunning strike, think Owen at France '98.
Bridgwater`s third goal was obscured by the pylon and dugout although I think the Uxbridge keeper had his clearance charged down and then the ball was lobbed from an acute angle into the empty net, a pretty decent goal. A little later Mac then caught a stray football and despite urging him to pop it under his coat he sensibly gave it back. Uxbridge pushed for the equaliser and late on cannoned the ball against the crossbar but it wasn`t to be. We started the long walk back to the station and needing a rest entered the first pub we had seen when we arrived, only to watch the QPR match and have a drink, honestly.
Build Up - Bonus Game C: QPR v Leicester City
QPR were founded in 1882 but became QPR in 1886 when two local teams formed, St. Judes and Christchurch Rangers. Due to most players living in the Queens Park area of London this became their moniker.
QPR turned proffessional in 1889 and are known as The R`s or the Supahoops. They hold the league record of having had the most home grounds, currently at 20. Although Loftus Road, the current home, has been used the most, off and on since 1917.
Always the smaller club in West London to their hated rivals Chelsea, QPR also have rivalries with local teams Fulham and Brentford, and also with Watford, Luton and recently Reading.
Despite being a small family club, QPR are known for playing good, attractive football. With star players including Rodney Marsh, Stan Bowles, Roy Wegerle and Gerry Francis. They have also honed the skills of many great players such as Les Ferdinand, Trevor Sinclair, David Seamen, Phil Parkes and Daniel Nardiello(!!). Most people agree that the 1975/76 side were the greatest side never to win the First Division. Losing out to Liverpool after they beat Wolves with barely 20 minutes to go.
Recently they have been taken over by a number of multi-billionaires however this has done little to alleviate problematic relations between fans and boardroom and as yet has not yielded a much awaited return to the Premiership, of which they were co-founders.
Division One Runners-up 1975-76
Division Two Champions 1982-83
Division Two Runners-up 1967-68, 1972-73
Nationwide Division Two Runners-up 2003-04
Division Three Champions 1966-67
Division Three (South) Champions 1947-48
FA Cup Runners-up 1981-82
League Cup Winners 1966-67
League Cup Runners-up 1985-86
FA Community Shield Runners-up 1907-08, 1911-12
How to get there;
Tubes, H`smith & City line; Shepherds Bush, Wood Lane.
Central line; Shepherds Bush, White City.
Bus; 220 from H`smith Broadway towards Willesden Junction.
Overground train; Clapham Junction platform 2 to Shepherds Bush.